His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
