We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
