I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We left the knife in your bed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
