I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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