Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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