Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
