Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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