I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sext me about skeletons
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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