ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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