So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This girl is more easily done than said...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
