He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
