I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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