dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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