Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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