shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
