Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
