Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
