I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
