I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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