What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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