Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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