Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
