i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
