dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
