I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
