hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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