I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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