I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
