me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
