i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
