I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
