She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
