He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You ruined the universe
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
