omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
