SEEEEXXX PLEASE
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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