Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
