Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
