I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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