He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
