just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
