A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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