I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
