Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
