What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
