you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize