I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
