There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i wish my penis had a tongue
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize