There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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