My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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