apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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