So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
