Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize