Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
