I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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