Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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