maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
