Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize