i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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