When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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