Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
