So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
