So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
