im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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