these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
