My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
