He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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