can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
