i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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