did you get engaged???
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
