Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Randomize
