Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
